We all know people who we can tolerate and get along with, but don't necessarily like. Why is that? Most of the time, it's because they don't seem to care about what you have to say.
Building relationships is hard. Friends, work colleagues and romantic interests can all feel like they take a tremendous amount of time, energy and effort. But it may not be as hard as you think it is.
According to researchers from Harvard University, one simple rule can make connecting with people much easier.
This is what’s known as the three questions rule.
Jeff Haden does a fantastic job of illuminating the importance of the rule in his article from Inc. Magazine, which you can listen to on Curio.
Put simply, the three question rule is this: when you start a conversation with someone, ask a question, listen to the person’s response, and then follow up with two more questions in the same way.
Easy right?
We promise you it is.
So why do the researchers say this technique works?
“We converse with others to learn what they know…”
Around 40% of our everyday conversations are about our subjective experiences. So, rather than talking in facts and statistics, we talk in thoughts and feelings. Talking about ourselves activates the same regions of the brain associated with reward and satisfaction. But, it’s important to remember that in the case of the three question rule, our aim is to encourage other people to talk about themselves.
When we ask more questions, we are perceived as higher in responsiveness. As a result, asking followup questions that directly relate to a person’s responses allow you to demonstrate better engagement, as well as the fact that you care.
Main Takeaways:
The three question rule is about a fundamental demonstration of respect
Having conversations in this way will help you to build more meaningful connections with people
Try not to turn the conversation back on yourself (unless you’re responding to someone else’s questions, of course!)
Being more likeable is really, really easy!
We hope you can use this rule to flourish social settings as the world begins to reopen.
FAQs
Just Ask Three Questions
Researchers conducting a study published Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that asking a question and then two follow-up questions dramatically increases how likable others perceive you to be.
What is the rule of 3 Harvard? ›
Put simply, the three question rule is this: when you start a conversation with someone, ask a question, listen to the person's response, and then follow up with two more questions in the same way. Easy right? We promise you it is.
When you meet someone new, Harvard research shows this is how you instantly become more likable.? ›
Asking at least two genuine follow-up questions shows you respect the other person's experiences, knowledge, and opinions, and shows you respect them as a person. That will make you more likable -- and may also build a foundation for a genuine relationship.
Is 3.5 enough for Harvard? ›
It's true that a 3.5 GPA might be considered low for Harvard, but it doesn't mean that your application will be dismissed entirely. Your unique background and achievements could compensate for your GPA to some extent.
Can you go to Harvard with a 3.7 GPA? ›
Can I Get Into Harvard With a 3.7 GPA? Harvard is highly competitive, so it may be challenging to get in with a 3.7 GPA. The average GPA for entering Harvard students is 3.9.
What is the minimum GPA to stay at Harvard? ›
Undergraduate Academic Standing Requirements
If your GPA falls below 2.0, you are in poor academic standing. If you remain in poor academic standing for the following two terms, you are required to withdraw from the degree program. Your transcript will reflect this new status: required to withdraw (RW).
What is rule of 3 study? ›
In academia its common practice to structure lessons and assignments around the rule of three. Learners of all ages typically need to do or interact with the new content three times before the information becomes concrete to memory. This is especially true in any kind of technical training.
What makes a person instantly likeable? ›
Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don't know who they really are and how they really feel.
Why is Harvard so praised? ›
Harvard University's student body and faculty are world-renowned for their exceptional academic abilities. Home to cutting-edge facilities and libraries, they offer a wealth of research opportunities and conduct groundbreaking research in a number of fields.
What makes a happy life Harvard? ›
The most consistent finding we've learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.
Today, it is said that there are three things every Harvard student must do before graduating: pee on the John Harvard statue, run in Primal Scream, and have sex in the Widener stacks. Yet the lore of Harvard's "Three Things" only developed recently, with nude primal scream being unheard of just 20 years ago.
What are the three key questions to ask of all studies? ›
Key Questions to Ask
- Was the research peer reviewed? Peer reviewed research studies have already been evaluated by experienced researchers with relevant expertise. ...
- Can a study's quality be evaluated with the information provided? ...
- Are there any potential threats to the study's validity?
If you visit Harvard, you just have to see the statue of John Harvard outside University Hall, even though it has three inaccuracies: (1) there was no known likeness of John Harvard so a student sat for the pose, (2) John Harvard was not the founder of the College, just the donor of his library, and (3) the College was ...
What are 3 great things about Harvard? ›
Harvard students have access to courses, research institutes, and faculty mentors from all parts of Harvard. With world-renowned faculty, state-of-the-art resources, and individualized instruction, it's the perfect place to pursue your favorite and still-to-be-discovered academic interests.
