Cats can be complicated creatures. One second they are cute and cuddly, the next they are clever and crazy. But one thing that is not so complicated? Figuring out if your cat has a favorite person — and why. “Cats have different relationships with different people,” says Mikel Maria Delgado, who holds her doctorate in psychology and is a certified cat behavior consultant with Feline Minds and the author of “Play with Your Cat!” which comes out in March. “They have different preferences when it comes to how they like to play and get affection, and one person may provide things another cannot. It’s that simple.”
Here, experts explain why cats gravitate toward one person or another, plus the best ways to bond with your cat if you want to become their favorite person.
Do cats have a favorite person?
“Some cats may have a favorite person and others may not,” says Lori Teller, a doctor of veterinary medicine and clinical professor at Texas A&M School of Veterinary Medicine & Biomedical Sciences. “It is very individualized. Those that do have a favorite person tend to choose the person that is most likely to feed them, give them attention and otherwise meet their needs.”
Whether or not your cat is more inclined to have a favorite person is most often dependent on what they experienced between four to eight weeks of life. This is known as their socialization window, or the time in a kitten’s life where they are really open to learning about things in their environment, Delgado explains, who also co-authored “Total Cat Mojo” with celebrity cat behaviorist Jackson Galaxy.
“If you have a kitten who socialized with one person during this time, they will be friendly with that one person and not others when they’re older. Kittens who are socialized with many people, however, will bond with more people later on.”
—Mikel Maria Delgado, a certified cat behavior consultant
“Cats are who they are because of their experiences as a kitten,” Delgado says. “If you have a kitten who socialized with one person during this time, they will be friendly with that one person and not others when they’re older. Kittens who are socialized with many people, however, will bond with more people later on.”
This socialization window is the time during which cats learn to generalize if people are “good” or “bad,’ she adds. “So it’s really important for kittens to have many positive experiences with many different people during this early socialization window.”
How cats choose their favorite person
Unlike dogs, who often choose a favorite human based on who has trained them, cats do not instinctively look for a hierarchy among other animals and humans in their home, Delgado explains. “Cats aren’t looking for a leader,” says Delgado. “They are looking for someone they can trust, and they are looking for someone who can give them all the good things in life.”
So what are those “good things” that cats are after? Here’s a look at things that most often motivate a cat to choosing a favorite person:
Food: Who provides basic needs?
Cats are likely to choose to want to be around the person who feeds them the most as this is a basic need, Teller explains. She encourages cat owners hoping to be the favorite to be the one to feed them at mealtime and provide appropriate treats. “Just keep in mind that treats should not exceed 10 percent of a cat’s diet,” Teller notes.
Delgado agrees that training cats with a source of treats is a great way to bond. But to create a healthy relationship, she warns against feeding them out of your hand during meals, allowing them to eat in peace.
Positive vibes: Who gets me?
Just like with dogs, being a source of positive experiences is key when it comes to bonding with a cat, Delgado says. However, cats can have more quirks than their canine friends. Some love to be held while others hate it. Some love to cuddle when they sleep, some like to be left alone. Cats want to be around the person who exhibits the behaviors they like.
“Whether it’s play, treats, brushing, it takes some experimenting and paying attention to what your cat enjoys to be sure you’re providing those things,” notes Delgado.
How to know what makes them happy? Pay attention to their body language, she says. If they get tense, swat you away or run, you’re not displaying “favorite” behavior in their eyes. Purring, rubbing and sticking close by you are signs your cat likes what’s going on.
And when you find something they love? Great! “If your cat enjoys catnip, then offer that as well,” Teller says. “Or play with them using a fishing rod-type toy or a laser pointer. This is a good way to interact and give your cat some exercise.”
Comfort: Who has the calmest demeanor?
“Many cats also tend to prefer someone with a calmer personality and more predictable movements,” Teller says. “So, a person who speaks with a softer voice and doesn’t move around in an erratic fashion is more likely to be the ‘favorite.’”
With this in mind, oftentimes women as opposed to men become a cat’s favorite person, Delgado notes. This is because their natural traits may make them more likable to cats, including a quieter voice, smaller frame and lighter footfall when walking around the house.
Calm is key for those wanting to be their cat’s favorite. “Communicate with them in a way they can understand, including using a soft tone of voice, moving slowly and predictably and making eye contact in a non-aggressive manner,” Teller recommends.
Signs you are your cat’s favorite person
Just like whether or not your kitty has a favorite person at all, signs you are the chosen one vary and depend on the cat. In general, Delgado notes the following behaviors may point to one person in the house being preferred over others:
- Your cat tends to sit on your lap only.
- Your cat seeks you out for attention over others.
- Your cat vocalizes, or meows, a lot when you leave the house.
- Your cat shows signs of stress when you’re gone.
Don’t think your cat has a favorite human? That’s normal, too. There are other signs you can look for that will signal a happy cat, according to Teller. “There are ways to tell if a cat loves you, though not necessarily if you’re the favorite, and being loved is what really counts,” she says.
Here are a few things cats do to show they love you:
- Kneading on you, also known as “making biscuits”
- Purring while you pet them
- Rubbing their body on you, also known as scent marking
- Grooming your hair
- Bringing you their favorite toys – or even a small animal they’ve caught outdoors
- Exposing its belly to you
- Sleeping next to you
“There are ways to tell if a cat loves you, though not necessarily if you’re the favorite, and being loved is what really counts.”
—Lori Teller, a doctor of veterinary medicine and clinical professor at Texas A&M School of Veterinary Medicine & Biomedical Sciences
Bonding vs. imprinting: Do cats imprint on one person?
Imprinting is a term used to describe when an animal becomes most attached to another animal or human who is not its biological mother, Delgado explains. But while it may certainly seem like your cat fell instantly in love with you or trusts you more than anyone else, imprinting is actually not a phenomenon that occurs in felines.
“There are two forms a newborn animal can have when it comes to dependence,” Delgado explains. “There are some that don’t need a lot of care from their parents and because they don’t have a long period of care with a caretaker, whatever they see first is their ‘mom.’ These animals are called precocial animals, and they include pets like birds, horses and guinea pigs.
Cats, however, are known as altricial animals because they enter the world much more dependent on their mother. “Kittens are born helpless,” Delgado says. “They are blind, they can’t hear and they need mom for warmth and protection. Since they have an extended period of maternal care, they don’t bond immediately. It takes time.”
Can cats change their favorite person?
“Cats are cats, and they can do whatever they please,” says Teller – an observation we’re pretty sure any cat owner can relate to! “They can love multiple people, so they probably aren’t switching favorites, they are just expanding their circle of people they care about. There is certainly no limit on how many people they can love.”
The bottom line on whether cats have a favorite person
“You shouldn’t expect your cat to love you at first sight,” Delgado says. “They are a trust-but-verify type of species that needs more time to get to know you. It’s a natural thing if they are not jumping into your lap right away. They just need time to get used to you.” And once they do, you may very well become your cat’s favorite person.
