The Golden Rule is found in all of the world’s major religions and ethical traditions, and is generally agreed upon as a good rule to live by. Unfortunately, the Golden Rule often fails to help others and can sometimes cause more damage than benefit.
Before I explain what I mean, I thought it would be interesting to give a few examples of how the Golden Rule appears in different religions (for a complete list, seeWikipedia):
– Buddhism: “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” (Udanavarga 5:18)
– Christianity: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Jesus in Matthew 7:12)
– Confucianism: “What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.” (Confucius)
– Hinduism: “One should never do that to another which one regards as injurious to one’s own self. This, in brief, is the rule of dharma.” (Brihaspati,Mahabharata)
– Islam: “As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don’t do to them.” (Mohammad)
Where the Golden Rule fails is that it does not take into account the differences between people. It assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. In some cases this true (i.e. people want to be treated with kindness and respect), but here are a few examples when this is not true.
Extrovert vs. Introvert
Extroverts are energized when they are with people. Introverts are energized when they are alone. I like celebrating my birthday by throwing a big party and inviting as many people as I can. Now if I assume that my introvert wife, Olive, would like a huge party for her birthday, I would be very wrong (very, very, very, VERY, VERY wrong). Her idea of a great birthday is having an intimate gathering with a few select friends (read more of Olive’s thoughts on Introversion.)
Communication
Some people prefer to be spoken to directly. If someone wants, needs, or feels something, the preference is that they come right out and say it. For example, “I want to move to another city.”Others prefer to be spoken to indirectly. An example of indirect communication would be: “I wish we could live in another city.” Just because you may prefer to be spoken to directly to avoid any misunderstanding doesn’t mean that you friend prefers the same thing.
Love Languages
In the well-read book, “The 5 Love Languages” (affiliate link), author Gary Chapman explains that people prefer to be shown love in 5 possible ways:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
When Olive and I first started dating, I would often buy her gifts. I was always a bit disappointed when she did not receive the gifts with much excitement. That was because I was applying the Golden Rule. I loved receiving gifts so I assumed that she would as well. But Olive’s love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch – those are the ways she prefers to be shown love. Over the years I’ve learned to spend one-on-one time with her and give her plenty of hugs during the day (which is great because I don’t have to buy so many gifts and save some money).
Married vs. Single
I used to think that everyone wanted to be married because I found the right person to marry and marriage has been excellent for me (even whenI fight with my spouseor the times she is angry with me). That’s why I would often offer to set up my single friends or give them advice on how to get married. But many of my single friends were quite content to be single and found it annoying that I kept hinting at them to get married, as if they were somehow missing something in their life (my sincere apologies to anyone I’ve done this to – and by the way, you might enjoy reading my friend’s guest post about answering the question, “Why Aren’t Your Married Yet?“)
As a new parent, I can see how the Golden Rule would be a great first way to help children develop empathy for others. But as they grow older and gain the ability to think about another person’s point of view, I will want to help them see that their ownpreferences are not always the same as what others would prefer.
What other ways does the Golden Rule fail?Leave your thoughts in the comments.
photo credit: Gamma-Ray Productions,Kalexanderson
FAQs
Where the Golden Rule fails is that it does not take into account the differences between people. It assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. In some cases this true (i.e. people want to be treated with kindness and respect), but here are a few examples when this is not true.
Why did the Golden Rule fail? ›
The Golden Rule fails in practice because we really can never tell instinctively or otherwise how someone wants to be treated, or why they do what they do; what their motivation for action happens to be. Attribution errors are the cause of most negative conflicts in life, miscommunication, and other missteps in life.
What is the primary problem with the Golden Rule? ›
According to Kant, what is the main problem with the golden rule? It makes morality depend solely on the consequences of one's actions. It fails to give us any guidance whatsoever. It allows lying, which is never permissible.
What is the Golden Rule principle? ›
The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one would want to be treated by them. It is sometimes called an ethics of reciprocity, meaning that you should reciprocate to others how you would like them to treat you (not necessarily how they actually treat you).
What is the Golden Rule the best rule? ›
The “Golden Rule”—“Love your neighbor as yourself”—is doubtless the most widely known and affirmed ethical principle worldwide. At the same time, it has its serious, quasi-serious, and jocund critics.
What are the flaws of the Golden Rule? ›
One, it fails to explain how to deal with non-reciprocation. Two, it fails to make clear that my obligations are obligations regardless of how I would wish to be treated by others. Three, it lacks any special value in explaining the right occasions for benevolence. And, four, it has no power to motivate benevolence.
Did Jesus say the Golden Rule? ›
Golden Rule, precept in the Gospel of Matthew (7:12): “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. . . .” This rule of conduct is a summary of the Christian's duty to his neighbour and states a fundamental ethical principle.
What is the biggest weakness of the Golden Rule? ›
This can result in a more equitable outcome, especially when the literal interpretation would lead to unfair or discriminatory results. Potential for judicial subjectivity: One of the disadvantages of the golden rule is that it introduces an element of judicial subjectivity into the interpretation process.
When the Golden Rule fails? ›
Where the Golden Rule fails is that it does not take into account the differences between people. It assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. In some cases this true (i.e. people want to be treated with kindness and respect), but here are a few examples when this is not true.
What is problematic about the Golden Rule? ›
The problem is, the Golden Rule has a massive flaw. It assumes that everyone around you, is just like you. That other people want and need the same things that you want and need, and that you should automatically be able to figure them out based on your own experience. But individuals do not work like that.
It has perhaps been a source of wonder why Confucius sought to formulate the so-called Golden Rule of Morality in a negative fashion: Never do unto others what you would not Like them to do onto you. '
What are the 3 basic golden rules? ›
1) Debit what comes in - credit what goes out. 2) Credit the giver and Debit the Receiver. 3) Credit all income and debit all expenses.
What happens when you disobey the Golden Rule? ›
Answer: "Do not do unto others what you do not want them to do unto you" you simply admit to yourself that you do not need others to survive which is a negative trait. You conscience will tell you that you have done a wrong act.
What is the Golden Rule answer? ›
Answer:
- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
- Treat others with kindness and respect, just as you would want to be treated.
- Show empathy and understanding towards others, as you would want someone to do for you.
- Help others in need, as you would hope for assistance if you were in a similar situation.
1. Common Observations and Tradition. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This seems the most familiar version of the golden rule, highlighting its helpful and proactive gold standard.
What is the Golden Rule in real life? ›
The Golden Rule doesn't really mean that you should treat someone else exactly as you'd want them to treat you … it means that you should try to imagine how they want to be treated, and do that. So when you put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself how you think they want to be treated.
Why does no one follow the Golden Rule? ›
The problem is, the Golden Rule has a massive flaw. It assumes that everyone around you, is just like you. That other people want and need the same things that you want and need, and that you should automatically be able to figure them out based on your own experience. But individuals do not work like that.
Why is it so hard for us to follow the Golden Rule? ›
And so the answer to why is it so hard for us to follow the Golden Rule is that despite the good intentions of our teachers to teach us to respect one another, we've been taught far more examples of how not to treat one another.
Why is the Golden Rule limited law? ›
The golden rule is restricted in its use as it can be used only when the literal rule leads to ambiguities in interpretation. Its use thus becomes limited and rare. It is unpredictable and lacks guidelines. One of the main disadvantages of the rule is that judges can twist the meaning of the words and change the law.
Who said the Golden Rule is that there is no golden rule? ›
Quote by George Bernard Shaw: “The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.”
